2 minutes to the first of June.

While I’m writing this, it’s 11:58PM, the 31st of May, 2016.

It’s the official end to my first year in university. And I couldn’t be any more overwhelmed.

My entire life all I’ve ever wanted was to have a life I would always remember. To have many stories to tell. To have many memories to cherish. Up until high school, life was good, but never satisfying. But now, it’s more than that.

This past academic year, a lot has happened. I’ve changed as a person. Grown. And I couldn’t be happier. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve tried my best to fix most of them, I’ve taken risks, I’ve faces my fears, I lived.

In my previous blog post I wrote about a guy I temporarily named A.

If you’re done reading it, you’ll be pleased to know that I did apologize to him tonight. I did have a couple of drinks beforehand, but a girl can get a little bit of help, you know?

And he was nice. He was so nice about it that I even shed a few tears. I don’t expect him to forgive me obviously. But at least I got that off my chest.

Guys,

Life has a lot to teach you. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even in a few years, but someday, you’ll see life as it is. And when you do, believe me, it’ll be something.

I learned more about life in these 12 months that I did in the past 17 years of my life. And not all parts of it have been pretty. I’ve had some ugly days too, but I just can’t seem to let them ruin the whole experience.

Cheers…

To the friends I’ve made,

Thank you. Making friends had never been my forte, but you just couldn’t make it seem easier than it was. It clicked the minute I met you. The first ever conversation we had caught my attention. And I’m so glad you stayed with me during the good. the bad and the ugly. Thank you.

To the friends I’ve lost,

I’m sorry. Friends always come first. Before anything, before any guy. I’m sorry I had a few weak moments of hypocrisy. I miss you. And I hate that we don’t talk anymore. If I did apologize to you, just know that I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I truly am sorry. If I haven’t apologized to you, I hope this letter is enough. I’m sorry.

To the bad times and the good.

To the ones who eat and the ones who treat.

To the ones who party and the ones who don’t.

To the teachers we’ve loved and the ones we didn’t.

To the past year and the ones to come.

To everyone.

Every second has made a difference.

 

I wouldn’t say I’m totally proud of who I am, who I’ve become. But I’m glad I changed over time. With every passing day, hour, minute, I find myself becoming the person I actually am.

 

Guys,

People make mistakes. People have bad days. But don’t let it get to you. Please. Instead, learn from them. Try to make the next day better than this one. Try to be happier than you were today. Just try guys.

And trust me, one day you’ll feel the same way I do. It may be a completely different scenario, but it’ll happen. I promise.

 

Cheers to my readers. Cheers to all the days to come and the stories to be shared.

 

(P.S. It’s 12:36AM.)

(P.P.S. Thanks for reading.)

(P.P.P.S. You don’t always need pot to trip. You can trip over bliss just as easily.)

 

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Regrets, mistakes and memories made.

Guys, I have a story to tell you today. One I’m not too happy about. If I could, I would take it all back but I guess that’s just not possible. So all I can do is try and fix it. Or move on. I’m not too fond of either option.

Because, A) I’m deeply ashamed of my social faux pas; and B) Cause I can’t move on without doing anything about it.

So I settled with option C) Writing about it and hopefully coming to a conclusion about what to do.

So this guy, let’s call him A, was one of my closest friends. I completely adored him and we always had a lot of fun together. We became friends when he started dating one of my friends and even after they broke up, we remained friends.

And then a few months later, I meet guy B. Now this guy is the first guy that ever had any sort of interest towards me. He was in his final yer of uni so we knew nothing could happen so we decided to just be friends. Well I liked him. He was nice.

One day, when A, I and some other people did something very stupid, we all got into a lot of trouble. Trouble with the wrong group of people. People who knew B.

(I know this is getting kinda confusing but please bear with me.)

I got called to an apartment where was being bullied by the assholes who couldn’t mind their own fucking business.

Apparently, he was forced to tell them names of everyone involved in the matter. And he told mine. So when they asked me if I was involved, my mind said ‘yes’. But the word ‘no’ escaped my lips. And they slapped for giving them false information. It wasn’t the first beating he got from the scumbag, but it was the first one he got because of me.

After the issue blew over, everything went back to normal. Except us. and I aren’t on speaking terms. Why would he talk to me after what I did?

The only reason I couldn’t tell them the truth was because it would reach and I didn’t want to disappoint him. I lost a friend though.

And I just want to tell why I did what I did. I just want to say I’m sorry. But I just don’t have the guts to. I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m so pissed at myself.

I’m a bitch.

But I need to apologize. I need him to know that I do feel sorry.

What have I done.

 

Never have I ever and what I’ve done.

The history exam didn’t go too well.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either.

I went out drinking with my friends this evening. We played Never have I ever and it was then that I realized that I was actually a prude. I couldn’t drink for anything they would say, cause I’d never done anything they mentioned. And all they mentioned was sexual stuff.

Never have I ever been with a person sexually.

And I was the only person who didn’t drink to that.

It’s not that I’ve never don’t shit. I have. But just not anything that falls under the “sexual” category. And honestly, I don’t know how to feel about that.

I’ve had guys hit on me. So I guess I could say I’ve had the opportunity. But I guess, irrespective of what I say, I actually consider my “firsts” very special.

My first kiss. My first time.

I pretend to love being single. I actually do love being single. But some nights I just find myself craving for someone’s hands to hold, or someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss.

With everyone around you drinking for every sexual “Never have I ever”, it just gets you thinking, I suppose.

Maybe one day I’ll find someone to love. Someone whose hand I can hold, someone I can kiss. Someone I can turn to in my time of need. And even though I’m having the time of my life at the moment, I hope that day comes soon.

Cause the number of times I feel lonely seems to be increasing.

History, Game of thrones, and bending over backwards.

I’m almost done with my first year of university. Just a few more exams to go. Tomorrow I’ve got a paper on the History of Architecture. I’ve never been good at history. Ever. And at the moment I’ve been wondering if architecture is what I want to do for the next 50 years of my life.

I’ve been studying it for a year now. And it’s not that I’m bad at it. So far my designs have been pretty good. But I’m questioning myself on how I feel about it. Do I like it? Sure. Can I do it? Seems so. Do I want to do it? I don’t think so.

When I do start working, I want to like what I’m doing. I want to not think of it as a burden. Cause your job is a very important part of your life. And the key to happiness is satisfaction.

I know I’m not making any sense right now. No matter how much I stress on it, I just can’t seem to say this enough, I want to be happy and satisfied. You only live once, guys. So make sure you enjoy what you’re doing. I’m hoping I’ll realize what it is I want to do. I’ll let you know what happens. As for now, I just need to worry about tomorrow’s exam. (I’m not doing too good on the “studying” bit since I’m writing this.)

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Next up, Game of Thrones. Just when things start to get better, George R R Martin has to pop out of nowhere and break my fucking heart. I can’t take it anymore, guys. My heart can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried to stop watching it, but it’s not easy. Hell, it’s not even hard. It’s just plain impossible. *sigh*

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One of my best friends just broke up with her boyfriend today. And it wasn’t nice. She’s acting as if she’s fine and she says that she wasn’t even that serious anyway, but I know her. I can see she’s hurting. I remember the time she got drunk and she told me she loved him. Drunk words are sober truths. I know she loved him and I know he loved her too. But I guess, sometimes two people are just not meant to be. I wish I could say something that would help her feel better but I just suck at giving advice about relationships. I’ve never had first hand experience so all I know is from the books or movies or other friends. Man, not being to help someone sucks.

I’m in LOVE with Terribly Tiny Tales. For those of you that don’t know what it is, trust me, you have to check it out. You will not be disappointed. Here’s the link- http://terriblytinytales.com/

So today, I wrote a TTT of my own. They’re not great or anything but it’s a start.

He snapped his fingers. Then, her neck.

Kind of dark,  I know.

They purchased a coffin on his birthday.

I know they’re not nearly as good as the one’s they post but I’m hoping one day I write something good enough to send in.

What else? Oh right. I’m craving a cheesecake right now. And a burger. And fries. And ice cream. And a puppy.

Look at this totally adorable picture I found on Google (Yes, I actually googled “Puppies with bow ties” Go ahead. Judge me.). I’m going to take my dog to work looking like this.

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Isn’t he adorable! I want one!

 

I’m SO sorry about this boring post! I just wanted to write but not anything deep cause then I start thinking a lot and I’d be up the whole night writing when I need to be studying. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me. I promise the next post will be about life and shit. Okay, not shit. Just life. And puppies.

Wish me luck!

 

Liebster Award…and getting to know me on an emotional level.

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Hey guys.

I’ve been extremely lucky to have been nominated for the Liebster Award by none other than Cryptic Princess. Thank you so very much for the opportunity!

Okay, so first, eleven random facts about me:

  1. I’m a girl
  2. I’m 18
  3. I’m 5’5″ high
  4. I love dogs
  5. I have brown eyes
  6. I’m studying to be an architect
  7. My favorite color is white
  8. I don’t like chocolate
  9. I love strawberries. But only the fruit. I don’t like its ice cream or milkshakes.
  10. I model from time to time.
  11. My favorite movie is The Lion King.

 

Now I’m going to answer the questions asked to me (I’ll let you know, these were not easy to answer.)

  1. What does pain bring to people?
    Pain brings sorrow. At least most of the time it does. But not always. Speaking from personal experience, sometimes, pain can make you understand who you are. For the longest time I struggled with that question. But when I was in pain, I found out who I am. I am strong. And fearless. So to me, pain brings different things to different people. The answer is not really that simple. It depends on who the person is and what kind of pain is inflicted on them – emotional or physical.
  2. Do people really change because of pain?
    Yes. And no. According to me, people don’t change, per say. But the way they think, the way they start seeing life, that changes. For a while they’ll hold on to that pain to remind themselves that it can always get worse.
  3. Do you believe in reincarnation?
    I don’t not believe it. I’ve seen a lot of things in my 18 years, and it’s not something you can just rule out. Anything can happen.
  4. What is death for you?
    One person’s death, is another person’s beginning. Death is the ultimate thing everyone prepares for their entire life, basically.
  5. Name someone who has changed your perspective in life.
    A couple of my friends got into an accident recently. While my friend survived, her boyfriend died protecting her. If that was me, I’d blame myself for his passing. But she took it strongly. She cherished his memories. She talked about him. She smiled and lived life the way she knew he’d want her to live.
  6. Describe how you handle your hard situations in life.
    Last time I was in a terrible condition, my mom cried and told me, “You can cry. It’s okay, baby.”. But I didn’t. I told her, “No mum. I can take this. Trust me, it hurts just a pinch. It’s nothing.” That’s how I handle it. I punch the hard situation right on its face.
  7. Are you happy with your life?
    More than.
  8. Worst relationship you’ve ever had?
    As for boyfriends, I’ve never had one. I’ve never been the kind of girl guys date. I’m just the girl they play video games with and ask for relationship advice. Dating is not my scene. And for the other relationships in my life, I can’t seem to recollect a bad one. Guess I’m just blessed.
  9. Say a memory that you want to forget.
    A few months ago, I was really sick. And away from home. While I stayed at the hospital for 7 days, I never told my parents. Because I didn’t want them to worry. And believe me, they worry. On the 8th day of my stay my condition had worsened, so my parents were called. My worst memory has got to be the time my mother entered the room I was in. A tear slipped out her eye. And she just fell to the ground, and stared at me. It was the worst thing I’d ever seen. And I hope nobody is put in that position again.
  10. When did you last cry?
    Last month. When I heard about the accident my friends got into. I didn’t know the boy who died that well. We were acquaintances. But I cried. Because it wasn’t fair. He had his whole life ahead of him.
  11. Name a book you love most and explain why you loved it.
    Well, at the moment, its We were liars by E Lockhart. I like it cause the writing style is beautiful. It’s so well written, I often found myself lost in the pages for hours without a break. It transported me to a whole other universe.

Now the eleven questions I have for you:

  1. If you knew the world would end in exactly 24 hours, what would you do?
  2. If you could be any character, from any book or movie, who would you be?
  3. Who inspires you?
  4. Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never be able to speak again?
  5. Favorite quote and why so.
  6. What’s missing in your life?
  7. If you could live forever, or live the best 20 years of you life, which would you pick?
  8. Who are you?
  9. Are you living or just breathing?
  10. What was the last dream you had that you remember?
  11. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Explain why you think so.

 

I’ne nominated only 5 bloggers, instead of the said 11 cause I’m a newbie and I haven’t got into the blogging scene that deep yet. Sorry for breaking the rule.

Adios amigo.

Thanks for reading.

 

Bed time stories.

Just some short stories I wrote. Like I said in my previous post, I’m not a writer. I just write when I’m bored to amuse myself and be occupied. But here it is.

She stared. All day. From a distance. Not in a creepy manner though. Not even with creepy intentions. But she stared with something else. Longing. Wonder. What was it like to be so liked? What was it like to have so many friends? Hell, what was it like to even have friends? These questions would invade her mind when she was around people. And that was only at her school. And occasionally, the grocery store when her mom asked her to pick some stuff. So the only place where those questions wouldn’t cross her mind were in the confines of her tiny bedroom. With no saddening questions in mind, her mind was unlike anything in the world. More beautiful than the brightest star in the universe. She could put words onto paper as easily as a painter could paint a wall white. She could make the most bizarre things seem possible. She created worlds upon worlds, characters upon characters, stories upon stories. And it was a shame those stories never left the drawer on the right side of her table. It was a shame the only eyes reading those words of pure bliss were hers. And it was a shame that the only light that would ever fall on those pages was the one from her bedside lamp. 

But one day, when she’s older, she’s going to find these books. And after years, she’s going to read them. And she’s going to laugh. And cry. Then when the time is right, she’ll pass it on to her teenage daughter, going through life just as she did, one day at a time. 

And for the first time ever, it won’t be just her eyes. It’ll be theirs.

 

Told you. Not a pro. Now the next one’s slightly on the darker side of life.

 

He watched as she kissed the bastard on he lips. Distaste overcame him. Such beautiful pink lips deserved much more than filthy ones that’s been a lot of places. She was just a number and he waited for the day she’s realize it.

She doesn’t know him. Except from that one time she told the bully to back off from him. 

He wrote her letters, but he never sent them to her. He took her pictures, but he never showed them to her. He loved her, but he never told her.

How could he? A girl like her would never love a guy like him. That’s just not how things worked in this God forsaken world. 

He waited for the day where he could kiss her lips and fuck her hard till a loud scream breaks out of her. 

He waited for the day when her thin, sexy neck would snap under the strength of his hands.

And he knew the day was coming close. So the waiting didn’t seem so bad.

Little did he know that that very night, on her way back home from a party, she’d drive into a pole and die. 

Did she though? Did she die, or was she saved?

 

Those are it for now.

I’m going to go get some breakfast now.

Laters amigo.

And then there were none.

Hey there.

Okay. So I just started at the blank screen for straight up 20 minutes thinking of what to write. Now I’m not a writer or anything. I mean, I do write in my journal but that’s about it. Writing in a diary doesn’t really count cause nobody’s going to read it. So it doesn’t have to be as good as the works of Shakespeare.

I’m really surprised you even ended up on this page, to be honest. You must’ve been either real bored, or looking for answers about life by reading about someone else’s. If it’s the latter, don’t bother. My life is not something you should be seeking answers from. Trust me.

So a little about me. I’m an eighteen year old, college freshman. But not for long. My first year here is almost done. Well, that’s all I can think of for now. There isn’t really a lot to me. Oh! I am of the female species. Okay, now I’m done.

You must be wondering why this blog’s called what it’s called. If you’re not, too bad, I’m still going to write about it. I thought of a lot of names, “The secret life of the – teenager”, “hashtaglife”, “fuckthisshit”, “whatsinaname”. None of them seemed appealing though. So I turned to my diary, flipped a few pages and the first three words my eyes fell on were “Second time tripping”. And then there were none.

Before I explain what that diary entry was about, I want to talk about something else.

Have you ever made a mistake? I’m sure you have. If you haven’t, then you must be God. To err is human. It is okay to make a mistake. It is. Usually, when you realise that you’ve made a mistake, you start to feel this thing called “regret” or “guilt”. That happens usually. But sometimes, you don’t. You don’t feel guilty. You don’t regret it. Because you know that those mistakes you made have played a very crucial role in making you the person you are right at this moment.

Back to the diary entry. That particular post was about the time I popped a not-so-legal drug for the second time. Not something to be proud of, I know. But I was excited at the time. I realized it was a mistake. But I did not regret it. I still learnt my lesson though. Man did I have a good time that night. And the previous time too. But those were the first two and last two times it was going to happen.

I’m 18. I’m a college student. I’m far from home, from family. And I’m only human. I’m bound to make mistakes, guys.

You have no idea what a little bit of freedom can do to a person.

Back home, when I was in high school, I wasn’t me. I mean, I was me but not the me I am today. Not the me that’s typing this out. I wasn’t depressed or anything. My family is more than perfect. I had few but wonderful friends. But I guess I just wasn’t inspired. I wasn’t inspired to make memories, have fun and be happy. I never took pictures, I didn’t even write my journal that often. And that, my friend, is the kind of mistake you do regret.

So I made it a point to live my life when I come off to university. I vowed to capture every memory, and do everything I wanted to do. You won’t stay young forever. (I know that’s no excuse for doing drugs or anything. It’s not. Kids, don’t do drugs. I’m talking from experience, It’s not all that great.) But when I’m 90 and dying, I’ll at least know I haven’t left a stone unturned, a flavour not tasted, a painting incomplete, a poem unwritten.

When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut.

LOL. JK.

When I grow up, I want to have no regrets. I want to have a million memories- whether good or bad. I want to know that I lived life to it’s fullest. That’s all I want man. That and pot.

(Kids, don’t do pot. Trust me, it’s not all that great.)

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(LOL. JK.)

Not really. Seriosuly though, learn from my mistakes, don’t get inspired from them. Please. Last thing I want is an inbox flooded with blame-mails.

I told you. This blog is not the place to seek answers or inspiration.

Anyway.

Great job on lasting till the end of the post, tough guy. Thank you.

Till next time.